Women of Influence

It goes without saying that my mother (Barb Suiter), is the greatest influence on my life, but this blog is about 2 other women- unrelated to me- that have had and still continue to have, incredible, positive influence in my life. 
The word, MOTHER IN LAW for so many, has horrible meaning. I was thinking about the song from the 1960, "Mother-in-law," and here are just a few phrases from it:
-The worst person I know
-Sent from down below
-Satan should be her name
And a few quotes I found: "How many mothers in law does it take to ruin a marriage? Just one-- MINE!"
"I really do have a soft spot for my mother in law. It's just been freshly dug in the garden behind the garage."

I know we laugh at those, but sadly some people do feel that way about their mother in law.
I know this sounds bad, because I DO know that God hates divorce, and the whole thing is horrible, but the 2 women I want to talk about-- are my 2 mothers in law.
I can't imagine where I would be without either of them! 
Prov.31 is familiar, but it was written for Jean Williams! I have nothing but praise for this woman who loved me for over 25 years. I do not know anyone who could say anything bad about her. "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Prov. 31:29-30
She never gave unsolicited advice, but she was one I would seek out for advice. She was never rude or made anyone uncomfortable, but rather she is the most gracious woman I know. She always has time for others, and is always doing for others- especially her family.
She has loved my kids and done for them (as with all her grandchildren and great grandchildren), and even to this day, she babysits Natalie (my granddaughter) when Hannah has to work. Hailey is living with her, and I know how she worries about the boys! 
She is a prayer warrior! I can always know she is praying for the kids.
 She has been cooking Sunday dinners now for .... I guess over 20 years! And, yes, she can cook!
When I went through the divorce - I know I hurt her (understandably so), but she has been gracious to me.
Thank you, "mom" for everything. You truly are a woman of influence- not just for me, but for so many. If you know her, you will agree with that!

How can someone be blessed again? Deborah Prevette is not only my mother in law but my friend. (We are pretty close in age! LOL) She is an amazing woman of God, and I love her very much. Usually when you are upset with your husband, you don't go running to your mother in law, but I do! I can talk to her about anything. 
The book of Ruth reminds me of our relationship. "She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Prov. 31:26
I talk to her often, and when I do, she always speaks with wisdom. She speaks truth and love to me. She is a prayer warrior also!! 
I thank her for her unconditional love - not only of her son- but for me as well. She has her hands full all the time, and has dealt with physical issues while doing it. She is tiny, but has the heart and determination of a lion! 
She has been inviting to all my kids as well, and makes them feel comfortable. 
I have been truly blessed to have these 2 women in my life. I encourage you to tell your mother in law how much you appreciate and love her (hoping you do!) I truly don't know how you can top these 2 though. 

Failures, Fears and Faith..

I titled this post the same as the name of the blog because I want to explain myself and my reasoning behind the title in the first place. It may sound kind of self explanatory, but I still feel the need to get some of this off my chest I guess. Anytime I decide to blog I always think, " no one really cares about what you have to say." And that may be true, but I do it for two reasons.... one, I just want to write it down, and two... maybe, just maybe, some of it resonates and is something you struggle with also. Romans 1:12 says "that we may be mutually encouraged by each others faith." I know that to be true when we share in each others lives personally, so why not in the written word?
Failures.... Fears..... and Faith.....

Most of my life I have struggled with feeling like a "failure." I know the enemy uses this against me all the time. I KNOW his schemes, I KNOW how to fight him, and I KNOW how to live in victory, so WHY do I still give in to all of it sometimes? I was thinking last night about "Hinds' Feet on High Places," and how Much Afraid's enemies (Bitterness, Resentment, and of course Self- Pity) would shout to her from a distance, and how she would limp and fall when she listened to their voices, and how once she learned to "put cotton in her ears and sing praises," she got victory. Oh, I have lived in victory, and it is wonderful. For some reason at this moment, I am struggling with the voices!
I also sat down in the floor with my Bible last night and looked up the word "failure," it isn't there.
So, I read the verses that help me refute the lies! Some of my favorites:
"You have NOT handed me over to the enemy, but have set my feet in a spacious place." Ps.31:8
"You are my hiding place, you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." Ps. 32:7
And my favorite...
"I lift up my eyes to the hills...Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will NOT let your foot slip- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. the Lord watches over you-- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. the Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over our coming and going both now and forevermore." Ps. 121

There are lots more, but I know that He is there! I do not want to live a life feeling like a failure. There are things done which can not be undone....choices... decisions.... We all have them. When I listen to the voices of self- pity, bitterness and resentment, I am miserable.
Todd and I had dinner the other night with one of our pastors, and he asked me if I had forgiven myself. I told him I was pretty sure I had, and I knew God had forgiven me. However, as I have thought and prayed on it, I am pretty sure I have not. I also am not sure how to go about that! Little by little I guess, and praying it through.

I have never considered myself to be a "fearful" person. There are certain things that I do "fear" though. I am pretty sure that the other day when I had my "epiphany," that they are all related to the whole "failure" thing. They are fears that are completely unfounded and really silly.
Ps. 34:4 says, I sought the Lord and he delivered me from all my fears." So, that is my prayer. I really do feel like a mess and wonder how in the world I ever thought I "had it all together." I wonder how He can ever use me? I do KNOW " In repentance and rest is my salvation and in quietness and trust is my strength." Is. 30:15

So, it all comes down to FAITH.... Yes, I may feel like a failure at times, and yes, I may have silly fears, but my trust is in the only one that can heal me, love me and understand me. "Now FAITH is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see..... and without FAITH it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe he exists, and he rewards those that earnestly seek Him. " Heb. 11:1, 6
Faith is an action.... I have to choose to believe Him and not the enemy. It all sounds so easy when I put it on paper. Life is complicated.

Todd wrote a letter, but I call it a "poem" and it says it all. I hadn't planned on typing it here, but I am. It is a little long, but typing only a portion is not good enough. God has been doing amazing things in our life. His hand is at work in ways I can't even imagine. I know the enemy wants to keep me in a "bad" place because of what God is up to. Please pray that I can (and I will) overcome and be victorious once again.

Leaving everything behind is not so hard to comprehend when one is blind.
Learning to see though dark lies requires believing God all of the time.
Once He opens our eyes we tend to run and hide
back in the darkness where believing lies
comes as no surprise.
Remaining true to His promises God allows learning through pain...
learning as a babe walking on hand and knee
Filling the bottle with God's will gives the nutrients for strength.
Wanting more too fast equals no growth- only pain
Waiting patiently upon the Lord results in positive gain.
Humbled once again...
struggling to retain God's full potential blessings...
feeling tired and ashamed.
The Dark Lies trip me as I lose site again.
Falling back in the darkness.. fails me once again.
Believing the dark lies remains my demise!
Longing for forgiveness for my choices made were poor
only the Lord lovingly lifted me again.
Standing firm on His promise...
Forgave me once again.

Rejoice in all the earth for good may come and go with the wind,
but God's path for me prevails,
through Jesus Christ He forgives all sin.
Now I can see through the storm clouds of life,
For I have learned patience through God's patience with me
Many chances given and much time wasted is not all I see.
Although, I wish I would have listened close the first time,
so more Glory, Praise and Honor had been received....
thank you for all my bad choices and four billion and one mistakes
allowing me to see the fullness of your Grace.
Loving me, comforting me, believing in me when I failed.
Father of all creation, thank you for always keeping your promise.
Even when I strayed away for only worthless, meaningless, selfish gain,
by my side you still remain.
Loving me as if I never went astray.
Restore me O Lord I pray, Reshape me for your teachings , so I may teach your True promises
while praising your Holy Name.
Lift me up O Lord from this Dark Pit,
consume all left in me for only Godly use
Restore order and consistency back in my life O Lord,
so shall I put You first and submit my life as a vessel of education and information
of your Greatness.
I bow humbly before you O Lord...
I long for you to teach me, embody me so your voice speaks through me.
I shall seek your desire and listen for whispers of goodness,
forming a new hope for living,
and pursue selfless love..all in your honor.
King of all Kings, Lord of all Lords, Most Gracious and Loving God,
In Jesus name I ask these things, and may my life begin to truly change in a direction that only serves you Forever! Amen

And AMEN.... I thank God for Todd. Last year when he wrote this, I know he was talking about himself, but as the Lord told me to find it the other day... it is now for me. Maybe it is for you too.
May it be a prayer for us all.

Christmas??

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.... What if Christmas, perhaps.... means a little bit more?   (Dr. Seuss)

I'm sure we would all agree with that statement, and yet we still get caught up in the whole "store" thing. The past couple of years, Christmas has looked VERY different for me, and I'm still trying to figure this year out. ( I am also 4 months without my thyroid medicine, so it is affecting me in every way)

Last year, Grace Fellowship, in Johnson City, did a sermon series called, "What I NEED FROM Christmas." Hope, Peace, Joy..... So, that is what I wrapped up and put under the tree. We didn't have money to buy anything, so we didn't. The guilt that came from not being able to bothered me too.
 We would love to be able to buy the children, grandchildren all kinds of things all year, but we can't now, so we have to come to grips with that. What is it that we can do?
 Now, this year is even more different. We are away from them as well as not being able to send them anything. I think we have both just ignored it so far. The weather is 75-80 so not very "christmasy," we are still in hotel at moment ... so no decorations, no Christmas music... ( I did try today, but couldn't do it)
Christmas is Christ's birthday and a time for love. Sure, it is a time for family. I miss lots of things, and know that my actions have resulted in the consequences, so it is now a time for reflection and some sadness. Todd and I are trying to figure out just what IS Christmas this year? We have been ignoring it, but truly do not want to do that either. It IS a celebration of Christ's birthday. WE CAN do that. We can love those He has put in our path at this season.
We keep having these "firsts" and hopefully some "lasts" too. He is teaching us many things through all this. I just want to always be his student. I want to learn whatever it is, the first time through.
We do know that He has a plan. We are thankful for our families and our new church family. I am thankful for my friends far away- and my few new ones here.

Bob Hope said, "My idea of Christmas, whether old fashioned or modern, is very simple; loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?"
WHY DO WE? We don't.
So, this year, with no music, no tree, no gifts, no family.... we will CELEBRATE that Christ came to give us HIS hope, joy, peace and eternal life. We will try and share that with all those we come in contact with this season and always.

Pestilence, Port-a- potties---Pampered??

I have always considered myself as one able to handle lots of things.I do not consider myself to be "pampered." As we have lived in an RV for the past - almost 3 weeks, I have learned a lot about myself. I still do not believe myself to be "pampered," but we really ALL are here in the states. I also know, that it is OK to not be able to live in certain circumstances.
I will say that when that door opened and we didn't have a lot of other choices, we just thought it was the right thing to do; however, looking back on it, we are not so sure. I CAN live in small places, no problem. This was more than that. First of all, we didn't always have access to water. So, we had to go a few days at a time without a shower!!  Sometimes the electricity would just go off in the middle of the night, and then the propane went out and the guy didn't get any more. The 2 biggest things were the RATS and the fact that in the really cold nights (mornings) we had to go use the port-a- potty. LOL
It was far away from work, from church and everything else. Still, I thought it would "save" us money. After these few weeks there, we have learned differently. It was also hard on us as a couple because we were both stressed over different things and not dealing with them as well as we could have. We did learn through all this and have come out stronger for sure.
Yesterday, Thanksgiving day, started out kind of hard for me because I was focusing on the "bad" and not what I have to be thankful for. I DO know that most of the world does not have it even as nice as the RV. I get it. I know we are NOT used to that though. I did; however, get my focus right and we enjoyed a quiet day eating baked potatoes and watching movies. ( we could use our toaster oven, and our car was messed up so we couldn't go anywhere)
Today, I had prayed that the Lord would give SOME kind of encouragement, some little blessing..... the first table I had this morning was all 3 of our pastors at church! Lawrence had already been texting Todd, and they told me that they were going to help get the car going, get us moved back into the hotel and make sure I could get home! Wow! I told them how they were the answer to what I had just prayed! They did all they said, and so we are back in the hotel, the car is fixed and we are clean! God is so good to us! I am thankful most of all for the presence of God in my life, and his Peace!
We do miss our kids. We know that this time of year is going to be "harder" than the other times. We also KNOW that it will not always be like this. We know we are in His hands, and so are our kids.
Thank you for your prayers. I am so glad to be back online and be able to keep in touch and Skype our kids!!

View from the Bayou

Bayou....body of water found in low lying areas.Usually it is moving slower than the main channel...often becoming boggy and stagnant.
So, we are living on the BAYOU only in the physical sense! God is busy working in us and for us. I pray that I never become LIKE the bayou... boggy or stagnant.

I don't know exactly where I left off before, but we have been on the move since we left Tn. I didn't mind it, but after about 7 weeks, I was ready to at least settle somewhere for longer than a week. I had gotten a job at Russell's, but still had not gotten a paycheck or tips and we had to move again. Thankful for Dad and Mom who sent us enough to "get on our feet." We stayed in a hotel for one week, and I had been praying for the Lord to provide something more permanent and something we could afford. I started looking at apts and such. I was making money and had saved some of that and some of mom and dad's, but if we got one of those... there was deposit, rent, electricity. etc... plus the signing of a lease that we didn't really want right now, and the fact that we have NO furniture! So, last Saturday, Todd was taking me to work and we saw some RVs, and I said, " It would be kind of nice to rent a camper on the water if we don't have a boat, but I don't guess we will find that in N.O." We laughed.
Sunday morning, I got up and the first listing on craigslist said "CAMPER ON THE LAKE"  I about croaked! God really does have a sense of humor! It is farther away from work, but we had prayed that if it was right, we would both know. The guy is great, and the place is perfect for now. Sure, it is small, but so is a boat! Another main reason for a "cheaper" place for now, is so we don't have to stress over bills while he is still finding a job. I have had many captains come in work and have gotten some great advice for Todd. So, he has a few classes he needs to take and they are not free! We live simply, get his classes out of the way, and pray for a job!
I do want to tell a funny though.... the first night there, Tuesday night, was the coldest one of the year so far. (they don't have too many) they had given us a heater, but we didn't think we would need it! Also, the winds were so strong that night, and a few times I wondered if the camper was going to blow over! When we woke up, the lights wouldn't come on.... the battery had gone dead. I needed to take a shower or at least wash my hair..... the only other people that live there, offered for me to take a shower in therir camper. So, I did, and it was FREEZING! I cried through the whole thing! I said, "OK GOD,,,,, really" They had forgotten they had turned off their hot water heater the night before!!! OH WOW.... then I had to drive to work in our pitiful little rabbit. We did put the top up, but it isn't a whole top... I do need to put a picture up of that! I am learning that APPEARANCES do not really matter a whole lot! Everybody drives nice cars here.... but they do their laundry at the laundry mat and live in the projects! lol
I told the Lord that I do not care, I am grateful for a vehicle that gets us where we need to go.
Ronnie, the guy that owns the marina, found a great piece of vinyl and has offered to help us make it water tight! Hopefully before Sunday when it is going to rain!

I am anxious to wake up in the mornings and go sit on the end of the dock... even on the bayou. I won't see a dolphin, but it is peaceful and the sun comes up right over it! The Lord has provided AGAIN, and we are in awe of his love and provision.

I know from experience it can be easy to be like a bayou and become stagnant in the walk; however, as we walk this life, the older we get (physically or spiritually) we should become more and more aware of his hand in our lives. He knows the plan... He knows what is best... learning to just TRUST in that is a big step towards always moving forward and not bogging down.

We do not have internet access at the moment, and as much as I hate that, I will survive!
I love each of you and we are both so very thankful for your investment in our life! Hopefully, one day, we can pay it forward!

All who wander are not lost

"Not all those that wander are lost." J.R.R. Tolkien

This quote has taken on new meaning for me this past month or so, and it is so true.
I feel like a NOMAD- moving every week- sometimes less than that, and not having a "place" to call home, but I AM NOT LOST!!! We are EXACTLY where we are supposed to be. It is funny how I can feel at home here in this city, and Todd does too. How we started out on the fringes of it (even when God said to come to New Orleans), trying to stay away from the biggest part of it, and yet.... we kept feeling pulled here. So, now we are here, and we both have a peace about it. I LOVE my job, and am excited about what God is going to do.
We have definitely "wandered" around this month, but here again.... not lost. Every single step of the way, God has been there and has paved the way somehow. I have not wanted to be dependent on anyone, but we have had to have some help from family and we are grateful.
We are getting closer everyday to "settling" somewhere. It is funny how OUR plans have changed. (that is another blog) I know it will happen. I know He has a plan thru all of this. We were just talking about how excited we both are to be here, and know we are supposed to be here. WE ARE NOT LOST.
However, so many ARE lost, even those that think they have it all figured out.... have the plan....etc..
As I was driving home from work today, I passed so many people- walking or waiting for the bus. People..... so many people... everywhere. Hailey is in China... people... lots of people.... even there in Kingsport/Johnson City... I could go to the store and never see the same people. It is amazing to me that our God sees and KNOWS each one intimately. He cares about THEIR problems, their needs. I want to be the person that is Jesus to them. This city is SO diverse- so many cultures- so many races- I do love that!
WHAT can I do? I just start by one minute, one person.... every person I come into contact with, I want it to be positive. To speak, to smile, to love... I AM NOT LOST.... He reminds me often, even when I get down or frustrated because we are in this situation. He WILL use it all for His glory.
You may not be a nomad, wandering around, living in hotels, :)..
but you too are NOT LOST. He has you where you are... for a reason. Listen closely.... don't let the everyday drown it out. ( we are all guilty of that) That just reminded me of the scene in "Dead Poet's society" when Mr Keating has the class in the hall where all the pictures of the past are on the wall. He tells them to lean in and listen to the legacy that the boys in the pictures are whispering to them..... "CARPE DIEM".... SEIZE THE DAY.... make your lives extra ordinary...
That is not a Christian movie, but the quote still rings true.....
and a life that is "extra ordinary" is not one that "makes it" in the financial world (nothing wrong with money)- or seems to have it all together--- it is the life that is surrendered to the only one that can make it extra ordinary~

JOB

Just a quick update:
Yesterday was a "yucky" day for me. I felt bad physically (really bad actually) and so we just stayed in and he took care of me. Of course then I was down emotionally too.
 WHERE is God? Does he care? Will we ever get a job? What is He up to?
I hate myself for being just like the children of Israel!! I mean, seriously, how could I doubt HIM ever? He has proved himself to be faithful- just like He says He is.
I cried some yesterday and when Todd went out for a little bit-- I was reading Ps. 3 (some of those verses 5-6) - God had used in a mighty way in my life in 2005, and I felt Him again saying: " I am here and I do hear you." I have this!
So, this morning I got up to go to the restaurant that I had found on craigslist a few days ago. I couldn't get it out of my mind, and so I went in this morning. I prayed as I went because it looks like it is going to rain (and remember we don't have a top on car!)-- and for some reason, I knew before I got there that I was going to get it.
The guy hired me on the spot! That is what I have been waiting for!!! Just someone give this old, homeschooling mom a chance! :)
 
There are also some things going on that I don't blog about but they are amazing! 

Love you all and thanks for even caring what this crazy couple is up to!
It is so much bigger than anything I can imagine- because I serve a BIG God!